Discernment Counseling: Support for Couples Facing Uncertainty
A Compassionate Space to Find Clarity About Your Relationship
Reaching a point where the future of your relationship feels uncertain can be painful and confusing. Couples come to discernment work feeling torn — one partner may be considering separation or divorce, while the other is hoping to find a way forward together. When you’re in this place, traditional couples therapy may feel overwhelming, irrelevant, or even premature.
What Is Discernment Counseling?
Discernment counseling is a short-term approach designed to help couples gain clarity about the direction of the relationship. Rather than focusing on fixing problems right away, it honors the reality that uncertainty and mixed feelings are part of many relationships.
The goal is not to push you toward staying or leaving. Instead, discernment counseling supports you in making a decision that feels honest, grounded, and aligned with your values—one you can move forward with peace and confidence.
Who Discernment Counseling Can Help
Discernment counseling may be a good fit if:
One partner is leaning toward separation or divorce and the other is not
You feel stuck, uncertain, or emotionally exhausted
Past couples therapy hasn’t felt helpful or possible
Communication feels tense, distant, or shut down
You want clarity before making a life-changing decision
This process is best suited for couples who want space for reflection and understanding. It is not appropriate when there are ongoing safety concerns or abuse, and safety questions are part of the screening / intake process. Click here to learn more about discernment counseling.
What to Expect in Discernment Counseling
Discernment counseling is brief, lasting one to five sessions. Each session includes time together as a couple and time individually with the therapist. This low-pressure structure allows each partner to speak openly. Rather than focusing on blame or problem-solving, we explore:
How each of you has experienced the relationship
The patterns that have brought you to this moment
What staying, separating, or recommitting would truly involve
The Three Possible Paths Forward
1. Accepting “As Is For Now”
Choosing to continue the relationship as it currently is, without making immediate changes.
2. Moving Toward Separation or Divorce
Deciding to end the relationship with greater understanding, care, and emotional closure.
3. Committing to Couples Therapy
Choosing to actively work on the relationship for a defined period, with both partners fully engaged.
Every path is treated with care and respect. There is no “right” answer—only what feels most honest and healthy for each partner.
Discernment Counseling vs Couples Therapy
Unlike traditional couples therapy, discernment counseling recognizes that both partners may not be ready to work on the relationship. It creates space for uncertainty rather than pushing for change quickly.
Discernment counseling is:
Non-judgmental , a diplomatic space to reflect
Focused on mutuality and understanding
Short-term and decision-oriented
Supportive of all outcomes
Many couples find this approach feels less overwhelming and more emotionally safe during a vulnerable time. Reach out today to discuss the differences and get help deciding where you are.
The Benefits of Discernment Counseling
Couples often leave discernment counseling with:
Greater clarity and emotional steadiness
A deeper understanding of themselves and their partner
Reduced conflict and emotional intensity
Increased confidence in decisions
Less regret, no matter the outcome
Even when couples choose to separate, this process can help foster a more respectful, thoughtful transition—especially when children or shared responsibilities are involved.
Frequently Asked Questions About Discernment Counseling
Do both partners have to want discernment counseling?
Not necessarily. It is common for one partner to feel more hesitant or unsure. As long as both partners are willing to participate respectfully and honestly in one session at a time, discernment counseling can be helpful and effective.
Will the therapist try to convince us to stay together?
No. The therapist’s role is to remain objective and supportive. Discernment counseling is not about saving the relationship at all costs—it is about helping you make a thoughtful, informed decision.
What happens if we decide to work on our relationship?
If both partners choose to recommit and invest in doing work, the therapist can help you transition into active couples therapy or provide referrals for ongoing support.
What if we decide to separate or divorce?
If you decide to separate, discernment counseling can help facilitate next steps, which can be especially helpful if children, pets, assets, etc are involved.
Is discernment counseling covered by insurance?
Couples and discernment counseling are often not covered by insurance. An itemized receipt can be provided to you if you would like to submit this work to your insurance for out of network coverage. I am happy to guide you in how to communicate with your insurance provider.