Discernment Counseling: Support for Couples Facing Uncertainty
A Compassionate Space to Find Clarity About Your Relationship
Reaching a point where the future of your relationship feels uncertain can be deeply painful and confusing. Many couples come to discernment work or couples therapy feeing torn — one partner may be considering separation or divorce, while the other is hoping to find a way forward together. When you’re in this place, traditional couples therapy may feel overwhelming, irrelevant, or even premature.
Discernment counseling offers a calm, supportive space to slow down, take a breath, and thoughtfully explore what comes next—without pressure or judgment.
What Is Discernment Counseling?
Discernment counseling is a short-term approach designed to help couples gain clarity about the direction of the relationship. Rather than focusing on fixing problems right away, it honors the reality that uncertainty and mixed feelings are part of many long-term relationships.
The goal is not to push you toward staying or leaving. Instead, discernment counseling supports you in making a decision that feels honest, grounded, and aligned with your values—one you can move forward with more peace and confidence. We commit to each session one at a time, and at the end evaluate if scheduling another session feels helpful.
Who Discernment Counseling Can Help
Discernment counseling may be a good fit if:
One partner is leaning toward separation or divorce and the other is not
You feel stuck, uncertain, or emotionally exhausted
Past couples therapy hasn’t felt helpful or possible
Communication feels tense, distant, or shut down
You want clarity before making a life-changing decision
This process is best suited for couples who want space for reflection and understanding. It is not appropriate when there are ongoing safety concerns or abuse, and safety questions are part of the screening / intake process.
What to Expect in Discernment Counseling
Discernment counseling is typically brief, lasting one to five sessions. Each session includes time together as a couple and time individually with the therapist.
This low-pressure structure allows each partner to speak openly and feel heard, with a facilitator. Rather than focusing on blame or problem-solving, the therapist helps you explore:
How each of you has experienced the relationship
The patterns that have brought you to this moment
What staying, separating, or recommitting would truly involve
The pace is intentional and respectful, allowing insight to emerge naturally.
The Three Possible Paths Forward
1. Staying the Same for Now
Choosing to continue the relationship as it currently is, without making immediate changes.
2. Moving Toward Separation or Divorce
Deciding to end the relationship with greater understanding, care, and emotional closure.
3. Committing to Couples Therapy
Choosing to actively work on the relationship for a defined period, with both partners fully engaged.
Every path is treated with care and respect. There is no “right” answer—only what feels most honest and healthy for you.
How Discernment Counseling Is Different From Couples Therapy
Unlike traditional couples therapy, discernment counseling recognizes that not both partners may be ready to work on the relationship. It creates space for uncertainty rather than pushing for change too quickly.
Discernment counseling is:
Non-judgmental , a diplomatic space to reflect
Focused on mutuality and understanding
Short-term and decision-oriented
Supportive of all outcomes
Many couples find this approach feels less overwhelming and more emotionally safe during a vulnerable time.
The Benefits of Discernment Counseling
Couples often leave discernment counseling with:
Greater clarity and emotional steadiness
A deeper understanding of themselves and their partner
Reduced conflict and emotional intensity
Increased confidence in decisions
Less regret, no matter the outcome
Even when couples choose to separate, this process can help foster a more respectful, thoughtful transition—especially when children or shared responsibilities are involved.
Is Discernment Counseling Right for You?
If you’re feeling caught between wanting to hold on and needing to let go, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Discernment counseling offers support during one of the most difficult decisions a relationship can face.
You deserve the time, care, and guidance needed to move forward with clarity and compassion—for yourself and for each other.
Taking the Next Step
If you’re interested in learning more about discernment counseling or wondering if it’s the right fit, please get in touch. We will go through an initial evaluation conversation and set up a meeting. There is support for this process with warmth, respect, and care.
Frequently Asked Questions About Discernment Counseling
How is discernment counseling different from couples therapy?
Discernment counseling is designed for couples who are unsure whether they want to stay together. Unlike couples therapy, it does not assume both partners are ready to work on the relationship. Instead, it focuses on gaining clarity and understanding before deciding what comes next.
How long does discernment counseling last?
Discernment counseling is a short-term process, typically lasting one to five sessions. The goal is to help you reach clarity, not to engage in long-term therapy.
Do both partners have to want discernment counseling?
Not necessarily. It is common for one partner to feel more hesitant or unsure. As long as both partners are willing to participate respectfully and honestly, discernment counseling can still be helpful and effective.
Will the therapist try to convince us to stay together?
No. The therapist’s role is to remain objective and supportive. Discernment counseling is not about saving the relationship at all costs—it is about helping you make a thoughtful, informed decision.
What happens if we decide to work on our relationship?
If both partners choose to recommit and invest in doing work, the therapist can help you transition into active couples therapy or provide referrals for ongoing support.
What if we decide to separate or divorce?
If you decide to separate, discernment counseling can help you move forward with greater clarity, respect, and emotional understanding, which can be especially helpful if children or pets are involved.
Is discernment counseling covered by insurance?
Couple and discernment counseling are often not covered by insurance. An itemized receipt can be provided to you if you would like to submit this work to your insurance for out of network coverage. I am happy to guide you in how to submit and what questions to ask your insurance carrier to find out the important information they are obligated to disclose to you, with the right questions.