DISCERNMENT COUNSELING IN DENVER, CO
Are you at a decision point in your relationship?
This is one of the most important decisions of your life. It’s a wise choice to step back and reflect, with the help of a facilitator.
Do you and or your partner feel unsure where to go from here, questioning couples therapy? Perhaps you are in two different places about wanting to continue on with your relationship?
Have you or your partner been thinking about or discussing divorce or separation for quite a while, and it’s causing extreme distress and pain?
Do you feel stuck in a place where you and / or your spouse are thinking about divorce but are not certain if it’s the right choice?
You might be making a list of “pros” and “cons” to determine if you want to stay in or leave the relationship.
Discernment Counseling is NOT Marital Counseling.
In the discernment process, you do not have to be sure if you want to stay in the marriage / relationship or not. There is no pressure to make a specific decision.
My job as your discernment facilitator is not to convince you and your spouse to stay in or get a divorce. You and your spouse need time and space to make a decision. My job is to provide a reflective, structured process and supportive space to thoroughly consider all your options. Discernment Counseling gives you the space to slow down and look at all the options to make an informed decision.
Both people do not have to agree to “working on the marriage.” Discernment counseling is specifically designed for couples where one person is “leaning out” of the relationship – and not sure if the marriage could be saved by marriage counseling, and the other person is “leaning in” – still wanting to rebuild the marriage.
Reach out today!
What are the Goals of Discernment Counseling?
A deeper understanding of what has happened to your marriage and what might be possible for the future
Examine all options about possible next steps to decide what direction to take for your marriage, and confidence as you move forward
Better understanding of each person’s contributions to the problems
What is the Structure of Stay or Go/Discernment Counseling?
One to five sessions with a decision each session whether to meet again. In other words, you are only signing up now for one session, and you can decide each time whether to meet again—up to five sessions.
The first session is two hours, and the rest are 1.5 hours.
In the sessions, the first part is with the two of you together, the next part with each of you separately, and the last part is back together.
What Are My Options?
The goal is not to solve your problems but to help you decide whether to try to solve your problems. It’s not about immediate change in your relationship, but seeing if change is even possible.
We focus on three paths.
Path 1 is the marriage / relationship, as it has been.
Path 2 is separation or divorce.
Path 3 is an all-out effort for six months, with couples therapy and other resources, going to build a strong marriage that would still be good for both of you.
Within those six months, you are committed to working on your problems, with separation off the table, and then you decide at the end of that time whether to stay in the relationship, based on what you have learned during the six months.
The most intensive work goes on in the one-to-one conversations with each of you separately, which is different from regular marriage counseling. This is because each of you are in a different place and we want to help you individually sort out how to move forward.
Discernment Counseling, or Stay or Go, is NOT suitable when:
One spouse has made a final decision to divorce and wants counseling to encourage the other spouse accept that decision
There is a danger of or recent history of intimate partner violence
There is an Order of Protection from the court
One spouse is coercing the other to participate
There are no bad guys or good guys in this process. We will respect your reasons for whichever path you decide while trying to help you gain a deeper understanding of what was missing for you and open up the possibility of restoring the marriage.
You can run away from one relationship and one partner, but you cannot run away from yourself. You are still going to bring yourself to your next relationship - why not use this current relationship to learn more about yourself?
Most Relationships Face Bumps In The Road
Almost every partnership deals with challenges as life progresses and changes. The path to a mature relationship experience can be a winding path. Each phase brings something new, and each couple’s relationship is powerful and nuanced. The challenges we face can be uncomfortable and are unavoidable, but are also an opportunity.
Isolation Amidst The Wider Need for Support
Many people facing difficulty in their relationship avoid discussing their concerns and desires with family, friends, and even each other at home. Having an objective, clear, contained space, that is not yet couples therapy, behooves relationships “on the brink”. Instead of being forced into a couples therapy process prematurely, discernment counseling is like a between space, where the couple fully evaluates all the roads in front of them, and makes a more informed / clear decision.
Regardless of what kind of challenges you are going through, I have treated a broad spectrum of issues that many couples face. I combine extensive experience with a grounded, solution-focused, and heavily relational approach to working together.
What To Expect From Discernment Counseling
In our process, we move one session at a time. We’ll have time individually (me with you solo), and time together as a couple, with me. We will make clear, contained, specific agreements. This includes objectively and practically looking at the impact of all of your choices. Feelings are important, but when it comes to relationship separation, just as important are considerations such as impact on children, shared assets, financial questions, career pieces, shared relationships, and more. Before landing in a lawyer’s office, this is an opportunity to come together and make a mutual decision that has the interest of your family at it’s highest priority.
Customizing Approaches For Your Needs
I can help you develop new perspectives about this journey, as well as learn new strategies for making life a little easier. The truth is, you are likely not the same person as when you met your partner. As you face changes in life, thoughts and behaviors evolve. With the help of a supportive and experienced professional, it is possible to make choices in a mature, respectful, grounded way. As a result, you can make highly impactful decisions in a way that maintains the health of a relationship a little bit more than if you take the destructive path.
I think I need help, but I’ve heard this can be expensive.
Individualized, attuned service is an investment in yourself and your family’s well-being. Taking time to look at this now can help you avoid potentially expensive and damaging legal processes. And, we commit to just one session at a time.
You May Still Have Questions About Discernment Counseling…
What if my problems become too big to address, or other issues come up?
It is true that this work may reveal things that cause pain.. You are considering getting help because you need to address the challenges that are present. It can be more supportive and clarifying than you expect.. I provide a caring, compassionate, and confidential environment where you can work through the sensitive issues that sharing a life with someone brings. Establishing a secure relationship with a professional can be invaluable for relationship difficulties.
What if this makes things worse?
Deciding not to get help for a problem right now sometimes leads to the problem becoming larger in a few months or years—especially in the context of relationship struggles. Things will continue to change because the only constant in life is change. Professional support puts you in a position where you can understand these changes and have some control over how your path evolves. Whether you engage in discernment counseling now or later, it is a wonderful resource to know about.
Your Growth Awaits
Your Growth Awaits I am committed to making my services available to those who are in need. I am licensed in CO and MD. If you would like to schedule an appointment or discuss any questions you may have, please contact me at 720-279-4781 or use the contact page. I strive to return voicemails and emails within 48 business hours.
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